I Faked My Death and Never Looked Back, Now the Mad Emperor Begs for Me Day and Night

[Paid slacking + faking her death to leave the scene + goofy money-making + two shrewd schemers]

After a sudden awakening, Qi Jinghuan discovers she’s the pathetic stand-in in a tragic romance, demoted to concubine.

Just as the scumbag is forcing her to kneel and apologize, she binds herself to the [Paid Resignation and Painless Retirement System]. All she has to do is successfully leave the male lead, and she’ll earn a retirement package worth a hundred thousand taels of gold!

Jinghuan wipes away her tears on the spot, grabs her ex-husband’s hand, and shakes it enthusiastically. “Deal, boss! I’m applying to resign immediately. I don’t even need a year-end bonus!”

To make sure she gets her retirement money, she launches the most hardcore workplace reform the ancient world has ever seen.

The scumbag takes back control of the household? She empties her private vault overnight and leaves him with a mountain of unpaid bills, driving him so mad he has to press his fingers to his philtrum.

The new empress humiliates her at her wedding? She retaliates by sending the newlyweds a dazzling neon-green cuckold’s hat, then uses [Truth Serum Spray] to make them expose each other and start fighting in front of everyone.

She’s locked in the palace and forced to work for free? She simply forms a harem workers’ union and leads the matrons and palace maids in slacking off, going on strike, and drinking milk tea!

At the empress’s coronation ceremony, she goes even further, wearing mourning clothes to disrupt the Imperial Ancestral Temple. After scattering IOUs everywhere, she stages a “3D holographic self-immolation spectacular.” Amid everyone’s tears, she makes a gleeful getaway with bars of gold.

She thinks she’ll live the life of a rich woman in Jiangnan, but her getaway carriage is overloaded and blows a tire, sending her crashing straight into the neighboring kingdom’s real tyrant, Zongzheng Xiao, and knocking him ten meters away.

The badly injured tyrant opens his eyes in a muddy ditch. “...You hit me with a carriage?”

System: [Warning! You knocked down a VIP Big Boss. Retirement funds frozen. Immediately begin the high-risk nanny mission!]

Qi Jinghuan is on the verge of tears. I’ve already retired, so why am I being forced back to work as the nanny for a deranged tyrant?!