After I Turned Myself In, the Police Discovered I'd Been Alive for 3,000 Years

[Immortality, a steady government job, weaving, feel-good fiction, god-tier plot twists, mistaken assumptions, comedy, slice of life, wild imagination, suspense, the national team, play the pig to eat the tiger]

Freshly laid off, with rent due and only 327 yuan left in my account, I was at the end of my rope when I found a diary written over the course of three thousand years. I decided to make one big play: turn myself in as an immortal. I wasn't after anything else, just a secure government job with benefits!

I figured I could use the diary's thousand-year-old secrets to fool a few experts, collect a salary and social security, then retire in peace. Who knew these people would actually treat me like a national treasure?

Obscure historical records? I can casually land a face-slapping blow on a top professor! Antique appraisal? I can spot a fake national treasure at a glance! Thousand-year-old secrets? Sorry, they're palace gossip, so I'll leave out the next three hundred words!

The beautiful team leader at the Special Affairs Office suspects I'm a fraud every day, an old history professor treats me like an ancestor, and a fortune-telling old lady wants me to help her form a “Fraudsters' Alliance”... With food, drink, and a secure government job, this heavenly life is one I wouldn't trade for an emperor's throne!

Every day I act so nervously, afraid I'll slip up and get kicked out at any moment. But I never imagined that during a routine physical, my blood would test positive for an unknown substance no one had ever seen before!

When the test report was placed beside the line in my diary that read, “Those who take this medicine will have blood unlike ordinary people,” the whole world was stunned! Even I started to wonder... Could I really not be a fraud, but the three-thousand-year-old monster myself?!