On the Matter of Descending to Earth and Paying Social Security

The Celestial Court issued an official decree: In response to a fiscal crisis, immortals would be sent down to the mortal realm in batches to “experience the lives of ordinary people.” With 99% of their powers sealed, they had to find jobs and pay their “immortal registry fees” on time. Anyone late on payment would have their immortal status revoked and be cast into the cycle of reincarnation forever.

The Fairy Zixia started a company with the slogan “Give mortals an immortal experience.” She named it “Seven-Colored Clouds 2.0” because someone else had already registered “Seven-Colored Clouds.”

Sun Wukong split into two personalities: Wukong handled food deliveries, with zero bad reviews thanks to his lightning-fast somersault cloud, while Zhizunbao played video games and became Bilibili’s top streamer in the romance-game category. The two signed a “Shift Rotation Agreement” and held a weekly meeting in their shared head.

Bai Jingjing opened an emotional-release studio, with every punching bag bearing Zhizunbao’s face. She worked as a sparring partner and got beaten up by customers, cursing as she took the punches: “That one’s for Zixia! And that one’s because you said you didn’t love me, and then you didn’t!” Business boomed. An investor commented, “The emotional payoff is off the charts, but there’s a little too much personal baggage.”

Nezha and Ao Bing teamed up in logistics. One used his Wind-Fire Wheels for same-city express deliveries, while the other used water-control magic to handle refrigerated transport. Their company was called “Lotus Root and Fish Express.” After someone snatched the trademark, they changed the name to “The Many Affairs of Lotus Root and Seafood.”

The Old Man of the Moon became a divorce mediator at the civil affairs bureau, with a 100% success rate: he always convinced couples to split. His catchphrase was, “When fate runs out, it runs out. I don’t offer after-sales service.”

A bunch of people, a pile of messes, a mountain of romantic debts they could never repay, and social security contributions they’d never be able to afford.