There's Hope for the National Team! That Socially Doomed King of Football Is on a Rampage

The universally derided good-for-nothing striker of a China League One relegation-threatened team has gone 17 straight games without scoring. His head coach points a finger at him and yells, “If you don't score next time, you're gone.”

Just as he's packing his bags and preparing to retire, the One-Goal-to-God System suddenly binds to him. He is guaranteed to score one goal in every official match, but 24 hours before each goal, he has to complete a random public-humiliation task!

From then on, football gains an eccentric “public-humiliation goal king.”

To score, he dances the entire “Subject Three” routine in front of the team while shouting, “I'm the goal king!” He plays the whole match in fluorescent pink boots, gives the opposing captain spicy Latiao snacks and says, “Go easy on me. I'm worried you'll get hurt,” and even answers reporters in rap at a press conference.

The whole world laughs at him as an internet celebrity and a football clown, yet watches helplessly as he rises from China League One to the Chinese Super League, scores a stoppage-time winner against Henan, bags a brace to hold Shanghai Port to a draw, and assists a hat trick in the derby, single-handedly turning a relegation candidate into the league's dark horse.

When the national team is on the verge of elimination in the World Cup qualifiers and the entire internet wails, “There's no saving the national team,” Lin Chen is called up in their hour of need.

He blows kisses at the camera during the national anthem, dances to “Gangnam Style” with Son Heung-min, and comes on as a substitute amid a storm of online abuse. Then he smashes a volley into the back of South Korea's net!

From being mocked as “just another clown on the national team” to becoming the team's top scorer, he uses one guaranteed goal after another to deliver face-slapping payback to every doubter.

No one knows that this man, who humiliates himself so badly before every goal he can barely look anyone in the eye, is using the most ridiculous System imaginable to lead the national team out of Asia and onto the World Cup stage, one step at a time.

And the System's next task: deliver a serving of durian snail-rice noodles to Mbappe before the World Cup.