From 19 to 32, How Did My Life Turn Out Like This?

Name: From 19 to 32, How Did My Life Turn Out Like This?
Author: Black-and-White Negative

19到32我把人生过成了这样

by Black-and-White Negative (黑白底片)

Status: Ongoing
Length: 100k Words
Genre: Modern Romance
Subgenre: Youth Sweet Romance
Updated: 4mo ago
Source: Fanqie

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Synopsis

For thirteen years, I went through five faux-leather wallets that cost twenty yuan each.

Now I'm thirty-two. Surrounded by the smoke smell that clings to me no matter how much I wash, and carrying four loves that ended without a trace, I watch the heavy rain hammer against the security bars. I slap myself across the face. Lin Shengchao, what the hell have you done with your life?

Then, after years of silence, my high school suddenly lit up with activity. A graduation photo of the 2012 repeat-year class at No. 2 High School sent everyone scrambling late into the night to ask, “Does anyone still have Bai Yunjiao's contact information?”

I follow the cold line on her Moments page, open a drawer, and pull out the old notebook I secretly kept back then.

At the time, No. 2 High School, the worst-equipped school in the county, was my refuge.

I drifted through the days and kicked her chair. Bai Yunjiao, the aloof top student who was leagues ahead of everyone else, gripped my forty-seven-point math test with her black pen and said, “Lin Shengchao, if you want to live, get your mind off my chair.”

During the coldest winter rain, the classroom lost power.

In the dim candlelight, she looked at my hands, cracked with chilblains and trembling slightly, and softly asked, “Don't you like Kobe? There's a number 24 on your schoolbag.”

That night, I battled through the lesson on redox reactions for the twentieth time.

We once thought that if we worked hard enough, we could stay together forever.

But in the long passageway at Kunming Railway Station, she stood in her military uniform, with nowhere left to call home.

From the moment she vanished without leaving me any answers, I was stranded on the path she had abandoned.

In today's torrential rain, I finally raise a glass of cheap liquor with the nineteen-year-old boy who refused to admit defeat.

And tell him, “Let it go.”

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