Slacking Off: I'm the CEO of Heaven

Taibai Jinxing: (with a funeral expression) “Chief Li! Chief Li! We have a crisis! The peaches are piling up unsold, the immortals have all been laid off, and even Erlang Shen is delivering takeout! You have to do something!”

Li Changye: (calmly taking a sip of tea) “What's the rush? If the peaches aren't selling, build greenhouses. If they're laid off, help them find new jobs. Oh, and call Nezha over to livestream some sales. The title can be ‘The Third Prince Takes You in a Beatdown of Shady Merchants.’”

Taibai Jinxing: (breaking down) “That's not the point, Chief Li! What time do you think it is, and you're still thinking about livestream sales? The new Jade Emperor, Xuan Cheng, is working everyone to death. He's insisting on a heavenly version of ‘996 blessings,’ and the immortals are ready to revolt! And the Buddha's hair has gotten so long it brought down his ceiling. Look...”

Li Changye: (setting down his teacup and picking up a brick) “Go shave the Buddha's hair into a crew cut, then drag the new Jade Emperor over for a drink with me. Tell him if he keeps pushing everyone this hard, Heaven will fall.”

Taibai Jinxing: (despairing) “Let it fall, then! The whole universe is heading for heat death anyway! This entropy thing, even the immortals can't beat it! Shouldn't we be writing our last wishes?”

Li Changye: (letting out a cold laugh and pulling out a paper) “Why write our last wishes? I just published a paper called ‘On the Dialectical Unity of Qi Refining and Quantum Mechanics.’ If we can't beat it, we'll turn it into science.”

Taibai Jinxing: (staring at the paper's title, his vision going dark) “Chief Li... will... will this actually work?”

Li Changye: (standing up and slamming the brick on the table, full of swagger) “We'll find out after one good whack. Go tell those immortals to stop worshipping gods and start farming.”