Desert Island Livestream: Hands in My Pockets, Yet Every Goddess Wants Me

The world's first unrestricted wilderness survival livestream, Back to the Stone Age, has taken off in a blaze of popularity.

While the other contestants fight tooth and nail over a mouthful of muddy water, looking utterly miserable, amateur contestant Ji Ye strolls along with his hands in his pockets, as if taking a leisurely walk in his own backyard.

Viewers and haters alike mock him: “Why's this guy walking around with his hands in his pockets? Give it three days, and he won't even have dirt to eat!”

But the island's atmosphere soon takes a bizarre turn:

Ji Ye can't be bothered to look for water. He kicks a rock aside, and a spring bursts forth from underground.

Ji Ye can't be bothered to hunt. He dozes beneath a tree, and wild pheasants line up to drop dead right in front of him.

Even Lin Qingyu, his aloof, stunning teammate and the nation's goddess, who seems untouched by worldly concerns, starts acting completely out of character.

“Ji Ye, I've peeled a coconut for you. Try it and see if it's sweet!”

“Ji Ye, I've finished building the shelter. Can I squeeze in with you tonight?”

Watching Ji Ye stand there with his hands in his pockets while a bevy of actresses fusses over him, viewers across the internet lose it:

“Everyone else is trying to survive, but this guy's just on a deserted-island vacation!”