I Bear the Name of a Dead Man and Become a First-Class Official

My name is Pei Zhao, but I have been dead for fifteen years. The man who survived was called Shen Du - the son of a low-ranking official who died in the plague. I used his name to study and take scientific examinations, and then used his name to serve as an official in the court. It took him seven years to pass the imperial examination, ten years to become prime minister, and twenty years to become the most powerful man in the Dayan Dynasty. No one knows who I am. No one knows that every step I step on is paved with Pei's 300 lives. Later I met a woman named Lu Heng. She knew I was fake, but she wrote a love letter for me, which said "Shen Du's wife". But she never married me. I met my mentor, his name is Xie Lin. He taught me power, taught me classics and principles, and taught me how to be a good official. Then I found out that he was the one who killed my whole family one by one. I think of what my old servant Pei An said to me before he died - "Master, live. It's not for revenge. It's for living." But in the past twenty years, have I been living or dying?