I’m Daimaozi, a male chinchilla cat who’s been snipped.
I’m five, which is about 36 in human years: mature and steady, and a lot less bad-tempered than I was a couple of years ago.
Don’t ask why I’ve mellowed out. You know.
My former owner couldn’t sell me for 1,500 yuan, so they gave me away for free.
When my new owner drove over to pick me up, I was panicking like crazy, afraid I’d get hit or bullied.
So what happened? The woman tried to wipe my butt. We got into a fight: she ended up with three bloody scratches on her hand, and I got a beating on my backside.
Later, she took me to get a bath, and after I came out smelling nice, she sent me straight to the operating room.
Both my balls were gone, and I was still a virgin.
How could I not get revenge?
After sharpening my claws for months, I finally got my chance. I leaped up and beat the crap out of a pet shop employee, making a name for myself and becoming the city’s most wanted outlaw.
As for life now…
The man of the house bribes me with freeze-dried treats, so I grudgingly let him touch my paws.
The woman wants to shave the fur off my feet? She could pile a whole box of freeze-dried treats in front of me, and Your Lordship the Cat still wouldn’t give in.
The sofa at home is mine. In winter, I sleep in the master bedroom with the air conditioning on. When the little owner comes home from school, I roll around and act cute of my own accord. Snacks are at stake, after all. No shame in that.
Don’t talk to me about a cat’s dignity.
I have only three things left in this life: eat, sleep, and remain sworn enemies with the woman’s hair dryer.
