We Agreed to Be Good-for-Nothings Together, Li Jinglong, Stop Trying So Hard

The first year of the Jianwen reign.

Lin Budu is determined to be the perfect good-for-nothing. Every day, he embezzles public funds and listens to music in brothels, all so he can enjoy a comfortable retirement after Zhu Di marches into the capital.

To speed up Zhu Di’s victory, he volunteers to serve as an adviser to the great general Li Jinglong.

One good-for-nothing top graduate, one military simpleton: the entire court thinks the Ming dynasty is doomed.

Lin Budu thinks so too, so he starts making wildly misguided tactical decisions:

“Split the troops into ten groups and charge blindly!” (The result: the Yan army’s ambush is torn to shreds instead.)

“Abandon the strategic strongholds and retreat into the wilderness!” (The result: the Yan army finds nothing, its supply lines stretch too far, and its forces collapse.)

“Don’t pay the soldiers. Give them worthless paper notes instead!” (The result: the financial system becomes intertwined, and the whole army fights at full strength to protect its wealth.)

A few months later, victory reports pour in, and the entire court is stunned!

Emperor Jianwen bursts into tears: “My beloved ministers Lin and Li pretended to be good-for-nothings, even ruining their own reputations, all to lull the Yan rebels into complacency. I wronged them! Make them princes, both of them!”

Li Jinglong, tears in his eyes, exclaims, “Brother Lin’s art of war is unfathomable!”

Lin Budu gazes at the room full of imperial pardon certificates and iron tallies, nearly in tears himself. “I really didn’t mean to win! Zhu Di, are you even trying? Get moving already!”