Emperor Wu of Han Seeks Immortality, and a Koi Fry Crawls Out of the Cauldron

A top agricultural scientist transmigrates, but not as a princess sent off for a political marriage or a noble heiress. Instead, she appears out of thin air inside the enormous bronze cauldron used in the Han Dynasty’s sacrificial prayers for blessings: a baby wrapped in a bellyband. It is the height of Emperor Wu of Han’s reign, but years of warfare have emptied the treasury, and a severe drought has struck Guanzhong. Emperor Wu, obsessed with pursuing immortality, kneels devoutly before the sacrificial cauldron. Liu Youyou yawns, grips the rim with her little hands, and toddles out along its dragon carvings. In an instant, auspicious clouds blanket Changling beneath the blazing sun, and sweet dew falls from the sky! Emperor Wu, tears streaming down his face: “How can this be an ordinary baby? This is the celestial child Heaven has bestowed upon me! The fortune of the Han Dynasty! No mother? I’ll raise her in the Imperial Study myself! No celestial dew? I’ll... I’ll bring the finest grapes from the Western Regions for the little one!” From then on, life in Weiyang Palace goes completely off the rails: Wei Qing stops studying military strategy and spends every day holding a rattle drum. “Your Highness, look at your uncle! Shall I capture a Xiongnu for you to play with?” Huo Qubing stops rushing to win glory at Mount Langjuxu and spends all day plotting to steal the baby. “Youyou, come ride horses with Brother Qubing. Let’s skip class.” The court officials stop arguing with one another. Instead, they fight tooth and nail for the chance to tell the little princess a story. Sima Qian puts brush to paper: “In the fourth year of Yuanshou, a celestial child descended. From then on, the Han Dynasty... became utterly absurd.”