The person Shen Yan liked was never me.
He kept me by his side just because I had a face similar to my brother's.
When he was drunk, he called his brother's name, and when he was sober, he pretended that nothing happened. He could pull me into his arms late at night, and even spared me a look after dawn.
I thought that as long as I was good enough, quiet enough, and like that person enough, he would see me one day.
Later my brother returned to China.
The first thing Shen Yan did was push me away from him.
He said: "What I like is your brother. If you still want to stay with me, just be obedient."
I didn't leave that night,
But my heart is gone.
Later, the news of my brother's marriage came. Shen Yan disappeared for three days. When he came back, he hugged a new man who looked exactly like his brother. I looked at that face and suddenly smiled.
The morning I packed my things to leave, his new guy came out of the bedroom wearing his shirt and we passed each other without saying a word.
Later he said he regretted it, saying that he didn't see clearly those years. He chased me to Singapore and bought a large bouquet of white roses. When he saw me standing with others laughing, he threw the flowers into the trash can.
He said: "Chao Ge, I want you to fall in love with me again."
This is a story about "finding yourself".
Lu Chaoge spent his entire youth looking up at a moon that did not belong to him. He cut himself into the shape of someone else, filled his diary with his name, and hid his love in every cup of honey water with the right temperature until he no longer looked like a shadow under the moon.
