I’m Only Two and a Half! You Can’t Blame Me for This!

Two-year-old Yun Guoguo plants her little legs apart in the middle of the Lingxiao Palace. True Lord Yuqing strokes his beard, trembling. “Oh, little ancestor, you’ve smashed three pill furnaces already!” Heavenly Empress Lingchen sighs into her handkerchief. “There isn’t a single decent branch left on any tree in the Peach Garden...” Immortal Qingxuan hugs his three-pointed, double-edged spear and backs away. “Even Xiaotian’s too scared to bark after you’ve petted him...” “This little devil has no match across the Six Realms. She’s adorable, but she’s also a real headache!” “If we keep her here, she’ll turn the whole Immortal Realm upside down!” Yun Guoguo has sharp ears. She puffs out her cheeks and wails: “Are you guys saying you don’t want me anymore?! Where are you gonna throw me?!” Dao Lord Taichu hurries over with a smile. “How could that be, little ancestor? We’re sending you to the mortal world to have some fun. We’ll make sure you get a wonderful new life, with plenty of good food and drink and no one telling you what to do!” Yun Guoguo tilts her little head. “The mortal world... is it really fun?” “Fun! A hundred times more interesting than the Immortal Realm!” “Okay, I’ll go! But I’m not going for nothing!” She points her little hand at the Old Lord. “Grandpa Old Lord, put all your Nine-Turn Golden Pills in my pocket!” The Old Lord nods through his tears. “...They’re all yours, all yours.” She grabs Immortal Changyue too. “Auntie Chang, lend me two of the Jade Rabbits from your Moon Palace to play with!” Changyue hastily agrees. “I’ll give them to you! You can have them all!” Then she turns to Immortal Baihua. “Auntie Flower, I want a whole bag full of your spirit-flower pollen!” “Yours, yours! As much as you want!” The mortal world. A chubby little goldfish swishes its tail in a fishbowl and stares with bulging eyes, dumbfounded. Yun Guoguo: “???” “Th-this is the wonderful new life you were talking about?!” “I... I”