Chu Ci transmigrates into an angsty novel as the Immortal Realm’s most famous stand-in supporting actress.
In the original story, she’s supposed to pine for her master, go crazy for him, and slam her head against a wall for his sake.
What actually happens:
Her master says with red-rimmed eyes, “You’re nothing compared to her.” Chu Ci immediately whips out a deluxe copy of A Guide to Fighting Emotional Manipulation in the Immortal Realm. “Immortal Lord, if you’re sick, get treatment. The registration desk is to your left.”
The Demon Lord cuts out his heart to prove his love. Chu Ci pulls out an abacus on the spot. “Can I get cash for the organs? Here’s the current market price list for fresh hearts, livers, and kidneys.”
The original heroine cries, “Sister stole my opportunity!” Chu Ci starts a livestream and connects her with a counselor. “Come on, let’s get you on camera. Tell us, which stage of post-traumatic stress disorder are you in?”
Later...
Chu Ci takes over the Immortal Alliance’s relationship counseling hotline. The Demon Realm asks her to star in its anti-fraud ads. Even the Heavenly Dao sends her a job offer: “Fellow cultivator, interested in a side gig as an ‘Emotional Tribulation Inspector’? Five social insurance programs and one housing fund, plus paid annual leave.”
Counting her spirit stones as she watches the angsty novel’s protagonists line up to be talked some sense into, Chu Ci lights a cigarette and says gravely,
“Loving me gets you nowhere, unless you’re paying well in spirit stones.”
