You’re Supposed to Play Soccer, So Why Are You Doing Performance Art?

System-powered wish fulfillment + comedic commentary + overblown misunderstandings + invincible protagonist + sports competition

Chu Kuang transmigrates to England and is reborn as a 192-centimeter, nearly 200-jin hulking muscleman. He’s bound to a “Tyrant System.”

He plans to use [Absolute Damage Immunity] to become a battering ram on the pitch and send every opponent running back to their mothers.

But the System not only strips away his ability to “lie,” it also keeps assigning bizarre, mortifying missions that completely derail the tone of English football:

Goal celebration: snatch a hot dog from a woman in the stands and wolf it down.

Bulldoze past the defender: run to the center circle and solemnly dance to “The Little Eagle Takes Flight.”

Score a hat trick: passionately embrace the goalpost and recite Shakespeare.

Victory parade: stand on top of the bus, expressionless, wave his hands in a dance, and bust out the “Third Driving Test” dance!

Chu Kuang thinks he’ll be banned across the internet, but instead, fans and media across England collectively overinterpret everything!

The Times proclaims: “Stealing a hot dog is performance art in the fight against capitalism!”

A football legend marvels: “That’s no gymnastics routine. It’s an Eastern psychological warfare tactic that shatters reason!”

The commentator screams: “Those mesmerizing hand movements are the ultimate Eastern philosophical dance, deconstructing the seriousness of football!”

Looking at all the absurd titles he’s acquired, like “Performance Artist,” “Romantic Warrior,” and “Eastern Dance God,” Chu Kuang nearly cries.

“I really just want to be a quiet battering ram! Will you overthinking weirdos ever stop?!”