The world of Zelda descends upon Earth. A red moon hangs over the globe, monsters roam everywhere, and cities rise up as isolated strongholds. While ordinary people are still trying to figure out how to survive, Link has already settled into a happy life. Rescue the princess? That can wait. As long as he doesn’t rescue her, he can keep having the time of his life: activating towers, solving shrine puzzles, soaring through the sky with wind bombs, and using the “Flurry Rush” technique to teach Lynels a lesson. Freeze time, land headshots, farm gear. There’s no way he’s saving the world. He’ll do whatever makes him comfortable, even if the sky falls and the earth splits. If people want to guilt-trip Link, they’ll have to find him a conscience first. He skips all kinds of shrine challenges and stocks up on supplies. It’s the apocalypse, so what’s wrong with having a few girlfriends? Are they supposed to watch the gender imbalance get so bad that humanity goes extinct? A cool older woman, a sweet doctor... Trying them out in the apocalypse is perfectly reasonable, right? If you’re looking for a Zelda fanfic, congratulations, you’ve come to the right place. If you want moral integrity and a strong sense of justice, take the next exit to the left.
