Are You Crazy? Why Do You Keep Provoking That Mad Dog?

You can pick a fight with anyone in this world, just don’t mess with that mad dog. When she goes berserk, she doesn’t care who you are. Gou An: The capital’s number-one mad dog. Her life philosophy is simple: If she can lie down, she won’t sit; if she can stand, she won’t walk. But if someone deserves a beating, she has to stand up for it. After all, she can’t afford to be low-key. What are laws and manners? Can you eat them? If not, why bother learning them? What about filial piety? She’s plenty filial. Her father chases her with a shoe, and she doesn’t hit back, she just runs. Is that filial? That’s the height of filial piety. As for everything else: If you bully me, I’ll beat you once. If you refuse to learn your lesson, I’ll beat you twice. If I don’t like the look of you, I’ll beat you three times. If a man tries to seduce me, I’ll beat him first, then sell him. (Enjoy the fun parts first!) Gou An’s First Deed: A lecher harassed her, so she kicked him into the city moat. “Go cool off down there, and don’t come back until you’ve figured out what you did wrong!” Gou An’s Second Deed: A rich playboy harassed a flower seller, so she hung him from a tree for two hours. His father came to rescue him, so she hung him up too. Father and son dangled in a row like strips of cured meat. Gou An’s Third Deed: A general’s son blocked her way and challenged her to a sparring match. One punch sent him flying three zhang away. He later became her biggest fan, and she sent him to haul cargo at the docks. He lost twenty jin. Don’t mess with that mad dog. If you do, she’ll show you what it means to be both free and satisfied: she’ll be free, and you’ll be satisfied.