Others transmigrate to become emperors, princes, or great generals.
I transmigrated to become Wei Zheng.
Yes, that Wei Zheng, the one who specialized in defying the emperor, making Li Shimin so furious he wanted to have him executed, yet had no choice but to put up with him.
On my first morning, a servant told me, “My lord, His Majesty wants you at the palace first thing tomorrow.”
I lay back down. “Can I take the day off?”
The servant stared at me. “My lord, you've never taken a day off.”
I gazed up at the ceiling. This job has no KPIs, but it could cost me my life.
Oh well, I'm here now. As long as I stay alive, that's good enough.
But what if His Majesty comes to my house to freeload a meal?
What if my son smashes the Cui family's carriage?
What if someone in court brings up my daughter-in-law's pregnancy?
The Turks are here, Chang'an stinks, we're out of food, traffic is at a standstill, and there aren't enough public toilets...
I, Wei Zheng, a modern office drone who transmigrated here, have started a “there's no way I'm keeping my mouth shut” kind of life in the Zhenguan era, all thanks to my silver tongue.
The emperor takes a detour when he sees me. My colleagues try not to laugh when they see me. The common people call me “a just and upright official.”
Only my wife asks, “My lord, who did you offend today?”
I say, “No one. I just made His Majesty blush a little.”
She says, “You call that ‘a little’?”
I say, “Maybe half an hour.”
She laughs. “That mouth of yours...”
I want to say it's not my fault. I was forced into it.
After all, did Wei Zheng keep his mouth shut today?
No.
[A Note for Readers]
This story is entirely fictional. Historical figures have been taken out of their serious historical context, and the main aim is to have fun. Serious history buffs should steer clear. Anyone looking to learn how to speak their mind is welcome, and anyone feeling stressed should dive right in.
Did Wei Zheng keep his mouth shut today? I certainly didn't.
