My name is Xiaoxue, I am 32 years old, and I was born in a decent but strict family in Chaoshan. In the eyes of outsiders, I am the pride of my parents and a role model for my younger brother. I am sensible and capable. Only I know that I am a child raised by "implicit preference for sons over daughters" - I have no shortage of food and clothing, but I have never been favored. I have never been beaten or scolded, but I am full of grievances. Just like every New Year's Eve, my brother's red envelope is always twice as thick as mine. My parents always say, "Boys should save money to start a career," but they forget that I am also running for a living. I am naturally introverted and sensitive, but I force myself to pretend to be a cheerful E person and use jokes to cover up my vulnerability. Akai was the only light in my gloomy youth. He would give me half of the pocket money my grandma gave me, and he would stand up for me when my younger brother robbed me of new stationery. We turned from close friends into lovers, but were defeated by the alienation. I had been in embarrassment and depravity, but it was not until I met Liang Si, who was also from Chaoshan, that I finally no longer had to pretend or be sensible, and truly lived for myself for once.
