[The Only Chatterbox-Style Journey to the West on the Entire Internet] [Headphones Recommended, or You Might Laugh Until You Can’t Breathe]
[Invincible Body + Invincible Trash Talk = The Three Realms’ Greatest Calamity] Jin Chanzi, the second direct disciple of the Tathagata, talked so much that even his own master kicked him down to the mortal world.
“Go fetch the scriptures, and reflect on yourself along the way.”
Eighteen years later, a chatterbox with an invincible body set out west as Tang Sanzang.
The demons caught wind of it and sprang into action: one bite of Tang Sanzang’s flesh would grant immortality!
Then they discovered that Tang Sanzang’s flesh was really hard to stomach.
White Bone Demon: “I only wanted to trick him once, but he kept me talking for three days and nights, from fashion to life plans. I’ve changed careers now.”
Golden Horn King: “I dragged him into my cave. Three days later, I sent him out in tears and gave him all my treasures, just begging him to stop talking.”
Red Boy: “He chatted with me in front of Fire Cloud Cave for just two hours. Then my parents showed up, and the three of us hugged each other and sobbed.”
The Queen of the Kingdom of Women: “I fell in love with him at first sight. After he talked with me for seven days and nights, I called off the wedding myself: ‘Go on, I’d rather stay single.’”
Bull Demon King: “When I heard he was coming, I moved house overnight and left a sign: ‘This cave is abandoned, the demon is dead. Proceed directly to the next trial.’”
Emergency Meeting of the Three Realms:
Jade Emperor: “Can anyone make him shut up?”
King of Hell: “I tried to claim his soul, but he started talking to me about Underworld KPIs. I’ve added years to his life now.”
Dragon King: “I invited him to dinner to shut him up, but he started talking about developing ocean resources. Now I want to throw myself into the sea.”
Guanyin: “I went to see him once. I came back and went into seclusion for three years.”
Tathagata: (after a long silence) “…I should never have taken that disciple in the first place.”
