At nineteen, Wu Xiaomo enlisted with a burning longing for military life, eager to become a true soldier and stand shoulder to shoulder with his comrades to protect his country. But hidden within that fervent wish was a secret no one knew: he wanted to be a soldier, but absolutely did not want to be a squad leader.
He wasn't afraid of grueling training or exhausting guard duty. What frightened him was the heavy responsibility resting on a squad leader's shoulders: managing the whole squad's training, daily lives, and morale; bearing the group's honor and failures; standing at the front when everyone else backed down, and taking the blame alone when anyone made a mistake. He was used to being a dependable soldier in the unit, but never dared imagine becoming the one at the front, shouldering responsibility for the whole squad. He feared he wouldn't do well, that he would betray their trust, or that he would hold the group back. He only wanted to be a steady, reliable cog.
From the raw bewilderment of boot camp, to being recommended by his squad leader as a promising candidate and struggling to evade selection; from being labeled “timid and cowardly,” to being pushed again and again to face responsibility through the grueling trials of the reconnaissance company; from wanting to hide in the group as an “ordinary person,” to gradually understanding the weight and commitment behind the words “squad leader,” Wu Xiaomo's youth in camouflage is full of passion and confusion, struggle and growth.
Will he ultimately overcome the fear in his heart and shoulder that responsibility? And what answer will the secret wish “I want to be a soldier, but not a squad leader” find as it is tempered in the blazing crucible of military life? This is a story of a common soldier pulled between responsibility and evasion, and his eventual transformation.
