“Every cop in the world hates us because we steal things and play background music while we’re at it.”
When she was seven, Su Xi, hiding in a corner of a film set, told child star Brad, “I’ll be your accomplice.”
At twenty-one, they really did become the world’s most wanted criminals.
They steal a priceless pink diamond during a nostalgic heist, reclaim a childhood guitar from a museum, blow up Hollywood on a livestream, and even haul the Eiffel Tower into their own backyard as a decoration.
Purple jumpsuits, bubble-gum bombs, an electronic keyboard slung over a shoulder as they sweep through security. Eighties hits provide the soundtrack to their crimes.
Brad dances with wild abandon. Su Xi calmly calculates.
On a livestream watched by everyone, he steals a magnificent purple diamond and proposes to her. “Marry me and keep wreaking havoc on the world.”
“Bad guys don’t need to retire. They just need an even crazier partner.”
They build a purple castle on the sea and taunt the entire League of Anti-Villains.
Until their ultimate act of madness: sending Hollywood into space with bubble gum.
The mission fails, and silver handcuffs snap shut.
In prison, the once legendary “Purple Lightning Phantom” wear yellow uniforms. One covers the walls with purple drawings; the other uses bleach to dye their first purple scarf.
A guard sneers, “There’s no purple in Quiet Harbor.”
Brad pulls Su Xi close and kisses the diamond ring she stole onto her finger.
“Who says there isn’t? In her eyes, in my dreams, it’s everywhere.”
"Reading Guide"
. A pair of villain protagonists, never seeking redemption, brazen to the end
. Criminal aesthetics + an eighties nostalgia party
. From film set to prison, from partners in crime to lovers willing to die for each other
. A Despicable Me 3 fanfic. You can enjoy it even if you haven’t seen the movie
“If romance is a crime, then we’ve long been beyond redemption.”
