I’m Lin Chen, a modern young man with no great ambitions. I brought a System with me when I transmigrated to the Three Kingdoms, and all I want is to coast through life without a care.
After the Battle of Guandu, Boss Cao offers me the post of Imperial Preceptor. I firmly refuse. All I want is to quietly work on a home renovation project and enjoy the luxury of having a temperature-controlled swimming pool.
Who could have guessed that the “Millennium Cold Jade,” “Core-of-the-Earth Flame Crystal,” and other renovation materials I casually made up would be imagined by the great warlord Cao Cao as the ultimate test to find ancient divine materials and open the gates to immortal cultivation!
A renovation checklist turns into a holy-war mobilization order sweeping across the north. A basic physics lesson is revered as the founding text of “artifact refinement.”
From then on, the Cao Wei faction goes completely off the rails. Xiahou Dun stands holding an iron spear, waiting to be struck by lightning in an attempt to “draw lightning and temper it.” Guo Jia wears crystal glasses and stays up all night studying “degenerate-state attacks.” The entire iron-blooded army shouts, “We fight for our mentor’s law of conservation of energy!” They become a band of fanatical overachievers who use science (or mysticism) to lay siege to cities.
Watching Boss Cao and his “excellent students,” who I’ve fooled so thoroughly they don’t know which way is north, I can only cover my face and cry out from my own home theater:
“Stop imagining things! I really just want to lie flat!”
