I Use Roasted Sweet Potatoes to Cure the Internet’s Emo
The Sword Immortal returns to seclusion to roast sweet potatoes. Their fragrance breaks evil and protects the Nine Provinces!
Shen Xingran, master of Qingfeng Temple, is the most laid-back Sword Immortal in the Three Realms.
While others cultivate immortality, he roasts sweet potatoes. His mighty righteous sword suppresses evil, and his iron roasting rack warms hearts.
Then the sweet-potato fragrance in Jiangnan turns foul, sweet-potato fields in the north wither, and counterfeit fragrant cakes in the capital steal people’s emotions. The sweet-potato aroma across the Nine Provinces is tainted by evil spirits. The Daoist of Devouring Memories wants to drain humanity of its nature and forge a cold “perfect world.”
He shoulders his roasting rack and descends the mountain:
In the Jiangnan waterways, golden patterns on roasted sweet potatoes blast apart a counterfeit incense burner;
On the northern grasslands, sweet-potato-scented vines drive off sand parasites;
On the streets of the capital, a charred sweet-potato skin exposes a lie before everyone.
He travels the land, wielding sweet-potato fragrance as a blade and delicious food as a shield, cleansing parasites and protecting the living.
At last, the mastermind appears. The Daoist of Devouring Memories sneers, “Human nature is suffering. Why not forget it?”
Shen Xingran breaks open a freshly roasted sweet potato, steam curling into the air.
“Suffering is real, and so is sweetness. Leave out either flavor, and it’s no longer life.”
Xie Xunjiu rushes around hacking at evil spirits while he leisurely turns his sweet potatoes.
Su Qiao simmers porridge, Hongxiu prepares medicine, and Yunxi cuddles a fox while guarding the sweet-potato fields.
As absolute “rationality” sweeps across the Nine Provinces, he raises the final wisp of cooking smoke atop Qingfeng Mountain:
“Don’t rush. The sweet potatoes are almost ready.”
The rules of the Sweet Potato Sect: Eat a sweet potato before entering, and let your worries dissolve into cooking smoke.
Here, we protect all living beings and cure the emo blues. We don’t seek eternal life, only warmth for you and me in this moment.
