Fired by Ronaldo, I Score a Hat Trick at Real Madrid's Home Ground

After Cristiano Ronaldo publicly humiliated me, the whole internet called me a "Chinese-descended clown." My backheel into an open goal became a laughingstock in the football world, and the day Real Madrid kicked me out, I awakened the [Goals Are Everything System]!

The newbie gift pack gave me a Guaranteed Goal Card from the start. A 50-meter lob sealed a draw against my hated West Segunda Division rivals, and the video blew up online. Cristiano Ronaldo came across it late that night and replied with a single question mark.

From scoring five goals in a match in the West Segunda Division, to topping the charts with 50 goals in a Premier League season, to scoring five times in nine minutes at the Bernabeu in the Champions League semifinal and crushing Real Madrid!

You say I'm only good because of the system? I'll use Five-Finger Mountain to crush Manchester United. You say I don't deserve to play in a top league? I'll claim the Premier League Golden Boot, breaking Cristiano Ronaldo's records. You say I'll never score against Real Madrid? I'll put the ball past you in the goal you guard at the Bernabeu, again and again!

Later, I put on Real Madrid's number 7 shirt, scored six goals to crush Barcelona in my La Liga debut, and won the World Cup with a 35-meter free-kick in the final. At the Ballon d'Or ceremony, Cristiano Ronaldo looked at me and stayed silent for a long time. "All my records are yours now."

[System wish fulfillment + football comeback + face-slapping Cristiano Ronaldo + slaying a god at the Bernabeu]

Question: After Cristiano Ronaldo gets me kicked out, how do I score a hat trick at his home ground? Answers urgently needed!