Harry Potter: The Sickly Boy and the Platinum Dragon

Reader advisory: The synopsis may not accurately reflect the story. No romance, with a focus on family bonds; the story moves at an extremely slow pace. Treat it as a parallel universe that diverges from canon. Characters are heavily out of character. If it isn’t for you, just click the exit button in the upper-right corner.

Cygnus is sickly by nature and carries more potions around with him than candy.

His daily routine: coughing, taking medicine, and ruling over the Hogwarts library and the ceiling of the Slytherin Common Room, where stars are projected.

Draco is a textbook platinum-blond peacock, the king of Flying Class and a walking reaction image.

His life creed: One, I’m a Malfoy. Two, my older brother is Cygnus. Three, anyone who makes my brother frown will regret ever being born once my wand is through with them.

Their homework:

Cygnus: Derive the latest stable potion formula using ancient runes.

Draco: Use facial expressions and sharp words to send every Gryffindor’s blood pressure soaring.

Their shared project: How to annoy everyone and still get points from their professors while being scolded.

When Defense Against the Dark Arts turns into a practical combat exercise, Draco fires curses on the front lines while Cygnus analyzes the enemy’s weaknesses from the rear and prepares healing potions on the spot.

Snape’s assessment: “At least one Malfoy knows that potions are meant to be drunk, not splashed on Potter.”

Hogwarts’ new rule: Don’t anger a frail genius and an overprotective big brother at the same time, unless you want the whole package: cutting sarcasm that makes you question your life, followed by a strangely flavored potion that “heals” you.

Remember, the perfect Slytherin always comes as a buy-one-get-one deal.