Lin Jian is 25, a UI designer living in a basement and surviving on instant noodles. He has two major problems in life:
Being broke (his bank account holds 207.32 yuan) and being a coward (whenever he talks to a woman, he recites the Xinhua Dictionary).
That is, until he picks up a beat-up pink radio at a secondhand market
The “Love Showdown System 1.0” suddenly activates and announces in an old dubbed-movie voice:
“My dear comrade, in ninety days, I’ll help you win over an S-rank target: Jiang Xiaoyou, the goddess who just moved in upstairs!”
But this “cheat” is a bit of a trap:
When he asks it to teach him romance, it says, “Hold an umbrella for her!” The next second, a giant beach parasol pops out and traps them both underneath it.
When he asks it to teach him sweet nothings, it suggests, “Your eyes are like a husky caught in the rain.”
Worst of all, whenever he sneaks a look at Jiang Xiaoyou’s stockings, it announces, “Peak sexual impulse detected in Host. A cold shower is recommended.”
But “Damn You, Number One” has a hidden feature, too:
Stock market insider information? (Actually, it predicts when the chairman’s dog will go missing.)
Cold snap business opportunities? (Reselling expired heat packs.)
Investment trends? (A cafe expansion that’s short by just 50,000 yuan.)
So Lin Jian starts fighting on two fronts:
Making money like crazy by day, and chasing the girl while humiliating himself by night.
When he finally scrapes together 50,000 yuan to invest in the cafe, he nervously asks Jiang Xiaoyou, “Am I qualified to pursue you now?”
She blinks. “Actually... my dad invented this radio. I watched every one of your mortifying moments on the security cameras.”
