Honkai: Star Rail: From the Start, I Was Livestreamed by March 7th While Dumpster Diving

It's okay, but the plot span in the middle is too big. The last one is in Yaliluo, and the next one is in Luofu, giving people a sense of fragmentation. You can elaborate on the process in between and write about your daily life on the train. In addition, I feel that the main plot is pushed too fast. I feel that I don't need to push it too fast. I can write a branch plot. For example, Hu Lei's escape from prison, Xiao Sanyue's sword practice, the plot of Silver Branch, the plot of Ruan Mei and Zhenli, the plot of Origami University's chaos, etc.; Including the dark heart, the monster guy in Yaliluo's underground boxing gym, etc. This type of large world missions can also be written. The section in Suiyuan is pretty good.

If you read it as an ordinary fanfic, you may be a little confused (because the timeline doesn't match up at all), but if you think of it as a unit drama similar to Gintama, it will be right🤓👍