Encountered an Outrageous Wishing System and Embraced the Country's Lap

My name is Lynch, a chosen unlucky guy bound by an outrageous system. My wish is to get rich, it gives me a ton of coins; my wish is to become handsome, it makes me swell like a pig's head. Before I was about to be played to death by it, I made a wise decision - to hug the country's daddy's thickest thigh! From then on, my outrageous system and I were "incorporated" together. Looking at the group of national treasure-level experts with fiery eyes in front of me, I weakly raised my hand: "Report! The system is in a good mood today. He said he can help us get a perpetual motion machine, but the shape... Maybe a bit cartoony?" Experts: "Do it! It must be done! It can be accepted by many cartoons!"