My name is Shiqi. I’m an overworked wage slave who nearly starved to death because I couldn’t pay rent. The turning point in my life was the beat-up toilet brush that had clogged the toilet in my rental apartment.
It started talking. “Mortal, I am the ancient divine beast Bai Ze. Become my disciple, and I’ll teach you supreme immortal arts!”
Me: “...Could you first teach me how to convince my landlord I didn’t throw rocks into the toilet?”
And so, my path to immortality went completely off the rails.
Other people use spirit stones to build their foundations. I use chives. Other people forge weapons with black iron. I use stainless-steel washbasins. Other people fly on swords. I ride a shared bicycle.
When a rich heir struts around showing off his family heirloom, I pull out a soul-poisoning pill refined with Laoshan White Flower Snake Grass Water.
When my nemesis summons an ancient demon god, I quietly activate the “Red Dust Karmic Flame Formation,” refined from the used cooking oil of every hot pot restaurant in the city.
I run an “Immortal Cultivation Group” disguised as a health supplement company, leading three beautiful confidantes, one of whom is also my creditor, step by step toward the pinnacle of life.
Then one day, Bai Ze tells me that the so-called Heavenly Dao is just a piece of junk software waiting to be cracked.
I stare at the toilet brush in my hand and fall into deep thought.
“Master, should we... unclog it?”
