Rule Horror? Sorry, I Make the Rules

My name is Bai Ji. I transmigrated. The good news is that I can make the rules. The bad news is that my golden finger seems seriously messed up!

Scenario One: A murderous ghost is bound by the rule “Don’t look back.”

I immediately make a new rule: “All ghosts must walk upside down!”

The result: The ghost walks on its head, moving more than twice as fast, then sweeps at me with its hair!

My teammate: “(eyes wide with shock) Bro, you’d have been better off leaving things alone! Now it can attack over a much wider area!”

Scenario Two: Facing a demon’s trial under the rule “You must not lie.”

I smile confidently and make a new rule: “Everything I say is the truth.”

The result: I say, “I’m invincible!” and am instantly blasted into charcoal by countless bolts of lightning, because “the truth” judges me to be lying!

The demon: “(shrugs) See? Even your own rule thinks you’re a loser.”

Scenario Three: Faced with certain death, I come up with an idea in desperation.

Through tears, I write: “I, Bai Ji, am the most useless, most pitiful waste in the world!”

The result: All the uncanny beings look at me with overflowing maternal affection and fight to adopt me. They even start fighting each other over custody…

Wait, is this golden finger trying to gaslight me?! Please, just be a normal System!