Honey, Honey, Look at Me. I'm Super Well-Behaved

(Warning: First-person narration)

I stared at the shapeless thing crying in front of me and fell silent.

"Waaah, you were mine to begin with!" The puddle of a thing inched closer to me as it cried.

I edged back in distaste and, after a long pause, managed to say, "Y-you... stop crying."

A hand-shaped thing reached out from the puddle. "O-okay, fine. Then... then I want you to kiss the back of my hand."

I said, "...You might as well drown me."