I transmigrate into Journey to the West as one of the six cannon-fodder bandits, and get bound to the Pilgrimage Obstruction System.
Hold them up for three days, reward: an arcade.
Hold them up for half a month, reward: Li Jing’s Seven Treasures Exquisite Pagoda.
Hold them up for a month, reward: Doraemon’s Anywhere Door.
Hold them up for a year, reward: Odin’s Gungnir from Norse mythology.
Hold them up for three years, reward: Marvel’s Black Vortex Mirror.
…
Hold them up for sixty years. What do you mean, an agent of the Celestial Court?
So I infiltrate the Pilgrim’s group and begin my laid-back obstruction career:
“Master, the mountain road ahead is steep and rough. How about we rest for a day before moving on?”
“Senior Brother, this little monkey of mine is short a player for the game. Come join us!”
From then on, I’m even lazier and more indulgent than Bajie on the pilgrimage:
“Master, this is The Analects of Fists. Study it for three days first.”
“Third Senior Brother, the female demons up ahead want to play games with us. All living beings suffer, so we need to reform them.”
The day I finally cultivate myself into a sage by stalling the pilgrimage, Guanyin comes to see me in person.
She looks at the Pilgrim’s group I’ve held up for who knows how many years, then points at me, trembling. “You… you!”
I clench one hand. “You what? I can see you’re looking for death!”
