During my four years in college, I lost 569 takeaways. It wasn't until I was about to graduate that I announced on the school forum that 566 of the 569 takeaways I lost were adulterated with Orli. The forum instantly exploded, as did habitual takeaway thieves. On that day, countless people reported me to the school for poisoning. I laughed and threw out my graduation thesis with my backhand, "Research on Mixing Excrement and Organic Food to Improve Compost Quality."
