“Good morning, Yuanhai City! Welcome to your favorite, and most dreaded, morning statistics show. I’m your perpetually sleep-deprived host, Lao Wang. I’ve had three espressos today and still want to die.
The Death Lottery results are in! Congratulations, we’ve hit a new monthly record: a whopping eighty-seven fresh bodies!
The Yamashita Group contributed fifty-five. Now that’s a big haul.
Things aren’t much better in the CBD. The ninja unit was wiped out, leaving nothing at the scene but a pile of delivery orders marked ‘negative reviews handled.’
The black-market arms deal in the industrial district was busted again. All the sellers are dead, while the buyers escaped without a scratch.
Most outrageous of all, the surveillance footage only caught a delivery scooter. People online are wondering if the delivery guy brought the wrong bomb combo.
Today’s forecast: cloudy and foggy, with visibility about equal to your odds of surviving. Temperatures from 18 to 25 degrees.
Traffic update: The overpass in District Thirteen is temporarily closed after last night’s shootout. Take the surface roads instead, although there may be more gunfights down there.
I’m Lao Wang. Congratulations on surviving another day in Yuanhai City.
Remember, in this city, staying alive is a victory, and living a long time is a miracle. See you tomorrow, if we’re all still alive.”
