Heavenly Court Trending: My Spicy Snack Pact with the Jade Emperor

I’m Lin Xiaoyu, an overworked office drone. The day I ascended, there were no dazzling rays of rosy light. Instead, I saw His Majesty the Heavenly Emperor, ruler of the Three Realms, hiding behind the South Heaven Gate and secretly munching on spicy strips, tears streaming down his face from the heat. He pinned me to a cloud and tried to maintain his dignity. “If you dare tell anyone about what happened today, I’ll make you work 996 every day, until your soul is worked to death!” I silently pulled out my smartphone from the mortal realm. The screen was lit up with the Heavenly Realm Live app, and the number of viewers shot through the roof in an instant. “Your Majesty, sorry, I accidentally started a livestream. If we hit a hundred thousand likes, viewers can unlock a photo of the life-size figurine collection in your study.” The entire Heavenly Realm erupted on the spot. Immortals rushed to spread the news, and the trending list was instantly taken over by #HeavenlyEmperorLovesHisSpicyStrips# and #TheNewLittleImmortalIsABadass#. In the middle of all the chaos, the Demon Lord’s flashy comments barged onto the screen: “Hahahaha! Haochen, you old fool, look at you now! I’ve got my eye on this little immortal! Marry into the Demon Realm, and I’ll give you an engagement gift of full-coverage, never-drop-out premium Wi-Fi. You’ll be able to stream shows smoothly even on the roof of the Lingxiao Palace!” Things got extremely awkward for a while. The dignified Heavenly Emperor was clutching my leg, tears streaming down his face as he made his offer. “Sis! Big sis! Calm down! Don’t believe a word that demon says! I’ll turn a side hall of the Lingxiao Palace into a fully automated mahjong room just for you! Unlimited fairy-fruit milk tea! Unlimited fairy-fruit milk tea for the year-end bonus! Ten times your annual bonus! I’m only asking you to end the livestream. Let’s settle our internal problems internally, okay?” I glanced at the stream’s rapidly rolling tips, then at the Wi-Fi speed-test screenshot the Demon Lord had sent me in a private message. Hmm…