When the imperial harem becomes an “Oscars ceremony,” my mother is the top-tier star of the palace, a silly little white rabbit whose innocent act has never cracked in twenty years, even though she holds the script and controls the whole show.
As for me, I'm a black-hearted schemer through and through. I look like I'm about to burst into tears, but behind the scenes, I can punch a villain's skull right through!
My scumbag emperor father calls himself the “master of palace intrigue,” never realizing he's already become a 24-karat, pure-gold sucker for my mother and me.
Everyday highlights of palace intrigue:
My mother “accidentally” knocks over a cup of poisoned wine, splashing it all over my scumbag father. I immediately fall to my knees in tears and cry, “Father! Let me take Mother's punishment in her place!”
My father is so moved that his imperial face lights up with delight. Then he turns and sees Mother leaning “weakly” against a pillar, hiding her face behind a handkerchief as she sobs, “Your Majesty~ I'm so dizzy~”
In reality, the two of us have already exchanged a look to signal “stab the scumbag father in the back,” and even half a pound of gold thread has been stolen from his dragon robe.
Then one day, my father discovers the treasury is empty, his favorite consort has gone mad, and even his beloved dragon throne has been turned into the “Black Lotus Throne”...
He flies into a rage and flips the table, only for my mother to pin him back into his chair with a performance of “weeping her heart out.” I take the opportunity to hand him some “specially brewed chrysanthemum tea” (actually a laxative).
My father sprints off like a stray dog, his trousers flying everywhere, while eunuchs chase after him waving them and shouting, “Your Majesty! Your cover-up is hanging in the tree!”
From then on, the harem goes completely off the rails.
My father spends every day running around half-naked, trying to keep his trousers on. Mother works hard at her crash course in “palace-intrigue acting,” while I hand out The White Lotus Survival Guide to the consorts and turn Father's jade seal into a “washboard.”
Revenge? No, this is “The Mother-Daughter Drama Queens' Comedy of Life”!
A strong heroine? No, this is “The Scumbag Emperor's Vanishing Underwear Trick”!
