You Were Supposed to Hunt Water Monsters, Not Summon a Dragon

I’ve been given the full dragon treatment. No, I mean, I really have a dragon! For real!

The good news: It’s my clone.

The bad news: It has a mind of its own, and it loves going viral!

I thought I could keep a dragon in a fish tank as a little collectible.

It promptly turned cockroaches and mice into an all-you-can-eat buffet, grew to a full meter overnight, and burst the tank.

My landlady: “Xiao Lin, your place is leaking! The water’s flooded downstairs!”

I thought I could toss it into a reservoir and let it grow in peace.

Instead, it started snapping fishing rods for sport and shot to the top of the trending list as the “Yunmeng Lake Monster.”

Influencer streamers swarmed it with drones: “Chat, we’re taking down this lake monster today!”

I thought tossing it into the ocean would finally give me some peace and quiet.

Instead, it wiped out an entire Somali pirate crew. The video made it overseas, and intelligence agencies around the world were inundated with calls.

The gorgeous CEO, scowling: “Boss, care to explain why there are clearly… bite marks on the wreckage of that pirate ship?”

Now it’s staring at the moon and drooling.

Me: “Bro! I’ll call you big bro, okay? You can’t eat that! That’s an artificial satellite, for crying out loud!”