I Lie Flat Beneath the Bodhi Tree, and You Want Me to Enlighten Sun Wukong?

My name is Sun Wukong, and my master is absurdly powerful.

He said I was hopelessly untalented, then casually flicked me a set of Fist of the Self-Manifesting Cosmos techniques to play around with. I didn’t control myself, and one punch tore through the Thirty-Three Heavens, even knocking the Jade Emperor’s throne askew. But my master only complained that I’d made too much noise and disturbed his sleep.

He said the Dragon Palace’s Sea-Calming Needle was just a piece of junk, fit only for the little monkeys to use as a climbing pole.

He said the sages were too noisy, like a swarm of flies, and with a casual wave, “plucked” them right out of the Primordial World.

Later, my master decided I was cultivating too slowly and gave me a new mission: go challenge everyone across the Three Realms!

“Beat up every sage, Buddha, and demon emperor you can find, then tell them that if they want to learn the real stuff, they should come to Fangcun Mountain, sign up, and pay tuition!”

I get it! Master wants me to prove the Dao through martial arts and find true seekers for him!

Don’t worry, Master! I’ll go turn Heaven upside down and bring you your first batch of students!

(Also known as My Master Just Wants to Sleep, but I Thought He Wanted Me to Unite the Three Realms and Everyone’s Getting the Wrong Idea: Even the Sages Were Scared to Tears by My Master)