A Spineless Family by Marriage, and Me, Strong and Unyielding

I've dated two men. The first had barely brought me home when his mother lifted her chin and said, “You look like a clever girl. Go try your hand at lighting the stove and making dinner.” I felt humiliated, so I dumped him. At the dinner table with the second, his mother served me some celery. “Eat up. It'll make you diligent.” I passed it straight to my boyfriend. “You eat it. You're lazy as hell every day. I wonder who you take after.” It felt great to put her in her place, so I dumped him. When I went to meet my third boyfriend's family, I was ready for a full-on verbal battle. Instead, his whole family burst into tears of joy. “Dear girl, you're the savior of our family!”