I Was Just a Fake Eunuch, Yet I Became the Emperor!

I’m Gu Yi, the most unfortunate transmigrator in history. I’m about to get castrated from the start. Luckily, the System turns me into a fake eunuch, but why are its rewards so weird? Potato chips, fried chicken, hot pot seasoning? Am I supposed to throw a food party in the imperial palace? To protect myself, I can only swallow my tears and tell bedtime stories to the consort in the Cold Palace, while helping the unruly princess with her... personal problems. The eunuchs of the Eastern Depot force me to hurt people, so I turn the tables and flatter my target into ruin, earning him a one-day tour of the Imperial Guard barracks. I really didn’t do it on purpose! You all made me do it!