You're Not a Sociopath, You Just Don't Know How to Chat

Name: You're Not a Sociopath, You Just Don't Know How to Chat
Author: Jin Zanzan

你不是社恐，你只是不会聊天

by Jin Zanzan (金赞赞)

Status: Completed
Source: Fanqie

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Stats

9.3Score

14Chapters

Synopsis

Are you on pins and needles in social situations? When you meet your boss in the elevator, you just want to be invisible? Ask a colleague to help edit WeChat for half an hour? Stop being so eager to label yourself as "socially phobic"! Most of the social awkwardness that bothers you is not due to personality flaws, but because you have not mastered the key to "comfortable chatting" - effective communication methods. Say goodbye to the rigid recitation of "high emotional intelligence words"! This book focuses on small, specific, and immediately accessible "micro-water injection" actions: How to make silent signals such as eyes, smiles and gestures sincerely convey respect instead of deliberately performing? The "key library" of safe opening remarks, the topic discovery technique of local materials, the "passing" technique of topic continuation, and the method of ending the conversation gracefully. How to use body language, verbal feedback, and effective questions to truly "hear" the other party and make the conversation in-depth? Structured expressions allow the other party to easily understand, use "human words" to replace terminology, and relate information to the other party's needs/interests. How to maintain boundaries and make the other person feel respected during workplace meetings, collaborations, feedback, asking for help, and expressing different opinions? (Such as "Yes, and..." Thinking, "I" sentence structure). How to make dialogue messages clear, emotionally resonant, useful and thoughtful? From establishing a sense of comfort in the four minutes before the first meeting, to daily chatting without interruption; from speaking at workplace meetings and collaborative feedback, to expressing different opinions and asking for help appropriately - it provides a practical guide covering common communication scenarios in life and work. Always emphasize that communication is a two-way exchange of energy. The core of "how to say it is easier to be accepted, and rejection, refutation, and criticism can be more decent" is to pay attention to each other's bucket status and convey goodwill and respect. The goal of this book is not to create a "social master", but to help you reduce the "tension" of each conversation a little bit and increase the "comfort" a little bit. Encourage attention to small attempts and progress, and accumulate changes that are "a little easier and a little more comfortable". It is especially suitable for readers who consider themselves "stupid", feel anxious and tired in social interactions, and are eager to improve interpersonal relationships but hate hypocritical social skills. Be relaxed and at ease. A good relationship starts with a comfortable conversation.

Reader comments

In this book, I saw a real author who would also have scenes that he didn't know how to face at the beginning. Reading this book is like we are stumbling and growing together. It's not that we have to be social experts, but gently telling us how to chat will make both parties more comfortable. Be true to yourself. Accept your imperfect self and have a sincere dialogue with the other person. ① Pay attention to your own bucket and other people's buckets. ②Explain clearly in plain language ③Listen carefully ④ Communicate friendly, don't deny others, see the good aspects of what others have put forward, and then give your own point of view (can you do this? Wouldn't it be better? ⑤Discuss problems together and work together to solve them I finally understood: reading a good book is like having a conversation with a friend.
9 likes4mo ago
1. Emotions are buckets. Give priority to praise over criticism and to ignore it. 2. Praise others for their little details and thoughts, and fill their buckets with more good water. Then when their buckets are overflowing, they will return some good water to you. 3. Maintain social distance when chatting with others, and try not to intrude on other people's privacy. It's best to start with hobbies and things you've experienced together. 4. Before raising objections, you need to agree with the other party and provide some buffering. 5. Pay more attention to other people's body language
8 likes4mo ago
Some points are quite interesting
1 like10mo ago
Very practical and inspired me a lot
1 like5mo ago
It's a pretty good book, full of useful information.
1 like5mo ago
The views are close to life, the cases shared range from negative to positive, and the psychological barriers in the process of improving communication skills are described in detail. This is particularly resonant and worth reading carefully and repeatedly!
3mo ago

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