Xiao Yan sets up a fortune-telling stall in the Tang dynasty with his family heirloom compass, hoping to scrape by using Excel to tell fortunes. But just after opening for business, he gets reported for “embezzling karmic merit” and has to flee in the middle of the night. Then the compass suddenly goes haywire: the lights of the Big Dipper dance across its face, and it even seems to connect directly to Chang’an with a 5G signal.
Even more absurdly, the seven stars turn out to be seven fellow transmigrators. Mechanical engineering PhD Mo Qi turns a stranger’s saber into a roasted-chestnut machine, blows up a patrol station, and proclaims, “Behold, the God of Popcorn!” Shen Su from the Academy of Agricultural Sciences grows sweet potatoes shaped like human faces, blasting through an aristocratic clan’s latrine and forcing the noblemen into a group swim through a sea of filth. Then there’s Ning Yuan, an investment banking whiz who teaches fish to read candlestick charts, only to lose everything and end up floating down the river with no pants.
Pinching the spot between his nose and upper lip, Xiao Yan tries to tell their fortunes. “Everyone, the Big Dipper formation isn’t meant to turn you into a foodie alliance!” No sooner are the words out of his mouth than the compass flares red. In the distance, Huang Chao comes charging toward them with a banner reading “Destroy the aristocrats, get free Wi-Fi,” followed by a horde of fluorescent-green corpse puppets dancing the “Subject Three” routine.
From then on, a legend spreads through the Tang dynasty’s martial world: a fortune-teller is causing trouble with the Big Dipper. He reads love fortunes and gets a barbecue stall; he predicts battles and ends up with a dance party. Even Yuan Tiangang’s remnant soul grumbles from inside the compass: “You brat! You’re using my Daoist treasure to check the heat on your skewers?!”
