A Daoist with an Immortal’s Bearing on the Outside, Inner Monologue Blowing Up on the Inside: A Modern Taoist’s Guide to Saving Himself
Fang Wujiu, the strongest Taoist priest alive.
On the outside:
✨ Put on a Daoist robe and radiate an aura three feet wide
✨ Glance up and suppress a hundred ghosts on their nightly procession
✨ Officially certified as the gold standard for “ruthless and not one to waste words”
In reality:
His inner monologue is scrolling nonstop:
“This kneeling mat is digging into my butt!”
“Do you even know what blessings that wailing wooden carving could bring?”
“Does a straw man holding a concert and disturbing the neighbors cost merit points?”
His line of work, ridiculous edition:
✅ Stick calming talismans on wooden routers belonging to overworked wage slaves (Wi-Fi password: The Supreme Lord’s Edict 2333)
✅ Hire a plastic skeleton as the museum’s night guard (generous incense offerings)
✅ Teach a mirror ghost to use the beauty filters in a dance-fitness app
✅ Help the ghost of a programmer who died at his desk beat Sheep a Sheep (with physical cheats)
His teammates, walking disasters edition:
Fahui: Specializes in physical exorcisms, tenth-level proficiency at cracking walnuts with prayer beads. “What should I smash, Senior?”
Xuanmingzi: KPI-obsessed demon hunter who uses big data to catch ghosts. “Please sign for your fine.”
The main crisis:
A trendy beauty salon is secretly practicing the forbidden art of “life swapping”!
An underworld puppeteer + a cybernetic evil god + a black market for soul fragments
= the biggest obstacle to supernatural wage slaves finding new jobs in the modern world!
Daoist Fang’s daily tasks:
1️⃣ Suppress evil spirits with the sheer conviction of someone holding a jianbing guozi
2️⃣ Struggle to survive Xuanmingzi’s endless fines
3️⃣ Stop Fahui from using his monk’s staff as a clothesline
4️⃣ Most importantly
Protect! His! Cool! Image!
Even as his inner monologue screams loud enough to break the heavens.
