Subject Separation: Returning Other People's Problems to Others

Co-produced by Wu Zhihong Psychology: Adapted from In interpersonal relationships, we often fall into similar troubles: my parents are very anxious about me not being able to get into college, and I feel guilty for rejecting him. What I get in exchange for obedience and flattery is his cold violence... Many times, when the kindness and responsibility we understand are reflected in our actions, we are actually overpaying, or even "destroying ourselves" because we take on issues that do not belong to us. Everyone's life belongs to themselves and they should not live for the expectations of others. Psychologist Adler said: "All conflicts in interpersonal relationships are nothing more than two points: either others are interfering in your own affairs, or you are interfering in other people's affairs." Therefore, he proposed the concept of "separation of subjects": Whoever bears the consequences of an incident is his/her issue. Others can participate in the discussion, express opinions and suggestions, but have no right to interfere. In this book, from the perspective of Adlerian psychology, the author analyzes common scenarios in family, friendship, love and workplace relationships, allowing us to learn to see the crux of the problem and distinguish each other's responsibilities from the perspective of subject separation. Project separation is not only a tool, but also a way of thinking. By practicing the theory and method of project separation, you will no longer be anxious about things you cannot control, but focus on what you can really do. What's more, you'll learn how to be independent in your relationships while building healthier relationships with others.