Eighteen-year-old Qiu Yingying is trapped in a crumbling attic in the old city, like a moth hitting the glass. She works as a clerk in the library, arranging books, and stays with the silent spines of books every day, chewing the loneliness that no one understands in the dust and musty smell. Her parents said "find a stable family to marry", and her colleagues said "be smart and don't make mistakes", but there was always a voice screaming in her heart - she didn't want to be anyone's "should", she just wanted to see clearly what kind of existence she was.
Until one day, she found a review about Dazai Osamu's "Disqualification" in an old magazine. "Extremely sensitive", "Afraid of hurting others and being hurt by others"... Those words were like a sharp knife, cutting open her tightly hidden soul. She began to secretly read Ye Zang's stories, looking for her own shadow between the lines: the girl who secretly read poetry in the corner of the library, the "waste" who was publicly humiliated by her supervisor for a collection of poems, and the "firefly" who wrote about confusion and fear in the attic late at night.
Her life seemed to be in slow motion until one day she met a homeless old man eating steamed buns in the small garden in the back alley of the library. There was no judgment in his cloudy eyes, just simple kindness. At that moment, she suddenly touched the cracks in the world - it turned out that even the humblest life could see a glimmer of light at a certain moment.
But the dull ache of reality never goes away. The cold eyes of her supervisor, the alienation of her colleagues, and the weight of her parents' expectations were like an invisible net that tightened around her. She searched for answers in "Disqualified in the World" and wrote down more broken questions in her diary.
