Harry Potter: My Left Eye Sees the Future, My Right Eye Sees Jokes

Read with caution. Due to writer’s block and some real-life issues, updates will be irregular, and the story may go on hiatus.

Original male protagonist.

A mountain of headcanons 🙏 Apologies for OOC 🙏 No outline 🙏 Some romantic tension [between two male leads] 🙏 The author is sensitive 🙏 If you can’t accept that, please move along 🙏 No mindless hate or complaints about hiatuses 🙏

☞ Click to unlock 888 complaint letters from Slytherin

Albert Silver’s mismatched eyes light up Hogwarts’ ridiculous script: During Potions Class, a cauldron belts out “A Cauldron Full of Hot, Strong Love.” Snape roars, “Innovation?!” (Points deducted for noise pollution in the Wizarding World.) Albert spoils the future for Harry: “Seamus is going to blow up the ceiling. Wear a helmet.” The Great Hall turns into a construction site in seconds! The Sorting Hat joins in enthusiastically: “I get it! Spoilers belong in Slytherin!” Draco flees, clutching his head. “Did Father take him in just to drive the heir insane?!”

[Classic Moments of Torment]

✧ Snape slams down his textbook: “This rap-singing potion is more wicked than Dark Magic!”

✧ Draco clutches his pajamas: “He even predicted where I’d get ink on them??”

✧ Ron chokes: “He said Seamus would blow up the cauldron… Ahem! It really blew up!!!” Even the Sorting Hat can’t hold back its laughter: “To match your spoiler-guy persona, Slytherin!”

Draco clutches his head in despair: “Why on earth did Father adopt him?!”

Albert slowly turns a page. “Maybe… he wants to watch everyone in Slytherin get their reputation ruined?”

Rules for surviving in Slytherin:

Keep your mouth shut! Don’t ask questions! Beware the Seer, who hands out spoilers wholesale!

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