After Feeding Kaifeng Prefecture, I Became the Emperor's Gifted Sharp-Tongued Advisor

I open my eyes in the Northern Song dynasty, being hauled into Kaifeng Prefecture as a suspect accused of poisoning the emperor. Bao Zheng slams his gavel. “Did you make the poisonous porridge?” I look at the moldy rice in the pot and sneer. “Even dogs wouldn’t eat this. You people in the imperial kitchens were planning to kill the emperor with it?” Zhan Zhao’s sword has just left its sheath when I flip open the stove. “Watch closely. The real chef is right here!” Three incense sticks later, I stuff my invented “drunken crab” into Bao Zheng’s mouth. He swallows it with a livid face, then suddenly slams the table and shouts, “Quick! Arrest the head of the imperial kitchen!” The next day, the emperor grants me a golden token. “This woman has a poisonous tongue, yet can discern the finest flavors in the world. I hereby appoint her Imperial Sharp-Tongued Chef!” But no one knows what I said when I exposed the empress dowager’s poisoning: “This tonic has oleander juice in it… Your Highness, have you offended a chef lately?”