Also known as: Riding a Mutt While Carrying a Gun
Ling Xiaoye finds a mutt in the park and names it Ah Huang. While he’s at it, a broken stick claiming to be the Sky-Swallowing Spear falls and hits him on the head. From then on, the cultivation world goes completely off the rails.
While everyone else flies on swords, radiating immortal elegance, he rides Ah Huang with the spear on his shoulder, shouting “666, bros!” on livestreams.
While others seclude themselves in their caves to cultivate for a hundred years, he takes over an abandoned factory and turns it into “Xiaoye’s Cultivation Farmstay,” making a fortune selling talisman milk tea.
His sect elders are beside themselves with grief. “Great Ancestor, we were once a top sect that could break all techniques with a single sword!”
Ling Xiaoye replies, “Times have changed, Uncle-Master! Behold the ninth form of my Sky-Swallowing Spear Technique: ‘Livestream shopping, buy one talisman, get one free!’”
Then the great powers of the Immortal Realm descend, only to find Ling Xiaoye roasting skewers on the Sky-Swallowing Spear. “Fellow Daoists, care to try some? Authentic Cerberus meat, brushed with a secret sauce made from Meng Po’s soup!”
The great powers collectively turn to stone. “...Are cultivators these days really this wild?”
