I'm an Alchemist, Not a Veterinarian!

“Love Guru, could you whip up a potion for me?”

Ye Wen lounged lazily in a rocking chair in the courtyard, eyes closed, and replied in a muffled voice, “What kind? I'm busy. No time.”

The person asking for medicine looked at Ye Wen putting on an act, turned around, and walked off, muttering, “He's just a veterinarian who makes aphrodisiacs. He really thinks he's an alchemist.”

After waking up, Ye Wen got up and walked into the shabby house behind him. A crooked, battered wooden sign above the door read “Alchemy Room.”

Ye Wen walked up to a huge alchemy furnace and sat down cross-legged.

On a wooden shelf in the distance stood rows of porcelain bottles filled with pills. Their labels read:

Qi Refining Pills, Bone Tempering Pills, Body Refining Pills, Foundation Establishment Pills…

But beneath the labels was a line of tiny writing. If you looked closely, you could make out the words “side effects.”

Qi Refining Pills: Use in a private, well-ventilated bedroom. Your farts will thunder like a storm.

Bone Tempering Pills: Rest in bed after taking them. Your bones may become slightly less dense.

Body Refining Pills: Do not go out after taking them. Your body will become frighteningly thin, as if the flesh has fallen off your bones.